Salsa and underwire

Dream

At the start of this dream, I played an invisible character, only watching events happen, unhurt and unseen from all. Dominic Monaghan and Matthew Fox from the show, Lost, were watching a movie at the theater, and in the middle of it, sprung from their seats because they were simply dissatisfied with the plot.

The two men exited the theater and started digging into their pockets only to bring up clumps of salsa which they hurled at people around them. One drop of it gets on you, and you die. You die a slow, painful death.

They also went all ninja-like by springing bra underwires at people's necks which killed them instantly.

They killed thousands and thousands of innocent people.

Then lo and behold, I morph into my own flesh, tear out my own underwire, and fling it towards them, slashing them at their necks.

The world was safe again.

I told you so

Well, it happened. Tonight I fell.

I landed on my knees and palms as I missed a step while carrying the load from my car. My hands were full, and I mis-measured.

No broken bones or sprained ligaments--not even a blow to my esteem because I had no visible witnesses and it was dark outside. I even giggled while I stumbled to my door because I'm so glad My Fall of the Decade has passed.

Be safe this weekend.

Movin' up

I made it to Senior Librarian! Before I was just a measly old Librarian.

See what I can accomplish when I call in sick?

Happy Birthday, Roney Bologna!

I miss and love you, my brother.

Get ready to arm-wrestle me when I visit.

Love,
Boo

Bottom's up, me down

Today I've done something I've never done before. Drank an entire of bottle of white wine all by myself. Actually, because I am not versed in alcoholic beverages, it may have been a flat bottle of champagne. Nonetheless, I pulled this bottle out of my fridge today, filled what I think is called a wine glass several times, and enjoyed a relaxing day at home.

Is wine refrigerated? Anyway, like I said, it may have been champagne, but my taste buds savored every drop of it.

It's a good thing I took a pre-bedtime nap today because as always, alcohol, flat or unflat, makes my right arm hurt like a bitch and makes me oh-so-sleepy.

Good night.

Just FYI

Tomorrow is Saturday, the last day for people in Germany to complete their Christmas shopping. Last day because there are no shops open on Sundays (which I totally agree with), and Monday is Christmas, and obviously you'd be a Satan-worshiper if you opened your store on Christmas day. I was thinking of not going shopping but actually going to see other people shop. I gather it is a crazy thing to do, but I am curious.

Duh. You think I'm crazy? I have an imagination, so I will imagine them while I relax at home without congested aisles, short-tempered customers, and messy merchandise displays, thank you very much.

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I think phone companies who consider Guam another country should be burned to the ground. I opened my telephone bill today to discover that I have to pay over $200 for a call made to Guam. Don't worry, Mom and Dad, you didn't know either.

Hey Phone Companies: Guam is a U.S. territory and should have the same rates as the U.S. Get it already, Punks.

I tried reasoning with the telephone lady, but she had none of it. I even asked if I could admit negligence to it, but she heard none of that too.

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The library has also brought some excitement this week. One woman almost went ballistic when she arrived AFTER Santa Claus left the library.

"Now my son isn't going to have a picture with Santa this year."

Oh, dear, the world is going to end, I wanted to tell her, but I held my cool and graciously apologized and offered another time Santa would be at the library.

Sometimes customers just suck.

12/24/06 I believe in CYA-ing (Covering Your Ass), so I've deleted a part of this entry because I'm a scaredy-cat.

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Ahhhh, the holidays.

Who wears the pants

The Landlord stopped by tonight to measure one of the rooms upstairs. He noted interest in my barbecue grill as he descended.

"How much are you selling your grill for?"

"Oh, no, sorry. I'm taking it with me to Japan. Would you like me to see if there are any more at the store?"

"What is the price, you think?"

"Maybe $150."

[Rub chin, pause, arch eyebrows, pause, crinkle nose, pause.] "Let me ask my wife first."

All this time I thought he called the shots.

Wrap it like a German would

Tonight I bought my exchange gifts and was much obliged when the nice Fraulein offered to wrap them for me. Don't you just love the way Germans wrap Christmas gifts? Feel free to recycle their festive ideas.

Happy Birthday, Mom

I was going to write a silly poem about bookmarks and moms and birthdays, but I realized I lack the literary skill to do that.


Just know that I love and miss you very much, and I wish I was there with you and the family to celebrate your special day. Like Dad says, you're a spring chicken.


I'll see you soon, Hot Stuff.

My new self-description is

I'm a little bit corrupt. When necessary.

Trick breath

Working the library desk can be hazardous.

Yesterday my nostrils were in the line of fire of bad breath. As the prospective customer filled out the registration form, she exhaled with her mouth. And this was a hefty exhale with a mind of its own targeting me.

She might as well have blown right into my nose because her breath zapped right through it and into my lungs. (My poor lungs; I didn't mean to subject you to that pollution.)

I can't explain it. It's as if my nose went Hoover-vacuum on me, searching only for this woman's bad breath. I cringe each time I realize I breathed that sh*t in. Trust me, it was so awful I want to get lung transplants because I feel my lungs have been tainted for life.

She didn't notice my attempt to gag, and I completed her registration, carefully breathing through indirect angles from her.

This trauma makes me want to install a bad-breath detector at the customer entrance. Right?

Eye browse

This is to thank Nadia for taking care of my eyebrows each time it was due. I'll miss you and your tweezing ways.

Score! (I think.)

I'm really happy right now because I just bought myself an mp3 player. FOR ONLY $36!

The regular price was $145, then became 75% OFF, which then reduced it to $36!

I'm extra happy because being the untech-savvy person that I am, I figured how to work it without reading the manual. For me, it is a feat accomplished indeed.

$36 is good for a 1GB mp3 player, right? Want?

Now I shall attempt downloading my O-town cd. (Go ahead; get a taste of them, why don't you.)

Waste away

If you know me well, you know that I am not one to waste. In my efforts to prepare for my move, I'm trying to deplete the food in the refrigerator in a timely fashion.

So today I pulled out two frostbite tilapia and baked it.

It was not a good meal.

I've learned that waste is sometimes necessary.

Is someone calling me?

Seriously. I have so much crap to do before I leave Germany.

So why do I want to visit Capri just one more time?

Ah, yes. Oh, Capri. How you tease.

But why?

Don't ask me why I

• Turn on the radio then walk out of the room.
• Tell myself that if I don't walk back up the stairs to get that "extra" exercise in, then I'm going to have an abnormal growth somewhere on my face.
• Wonder if I'm on camera if I walk by a piece of trash at work and not pick it up.
• Pick up a fallen piece of merchandise at the store, wonder if I'm on hidden camera, then worry about how I should react when I win the million dollars as my reward for retail tidiness.
• Nod and say yes to my German neighbor even though I have no idea what he is talking about. (I could be agreeing to do the nasty with him for all I know.) He's over 70.
• Write down information in my composition notebook that I thought was important at the time, but when I reread it, I think it is useless.
• Love to weed the library; I have no problem getting rid of items in the collection.
• Love to offer my boss's name to library customers who think they intimidate me. (I know my library's policies, Mrs.ButIgotthebooklikethat.)
• Wouldn't mind living in Walnut Grove and having a husband like Charles Ingalls.
• Want to be capable of spitting out songs from movie soundtracks at the most inopportune time.
• Desperately wish for a detachable set of eyeballs to look for white hair at the back of my head.
• Like lists.

No fish

I was just about to post a video of my brother and I scaring his son with a dead fish. I chose not to because I'm afraid to be accused of child abuse and make headline news on CNN.

Just so you know, Khayleb only fake-cried, then went back to his computer game like nothing happened. My brother and I, on the other hand, laughed our nasty heads off.

I'm telling you, you would think I'm awful if you saw the video, but you would've laughed just as hard as I did. Too bad, YOU can't enjoy it.

You know ... because you might report me.

My [new] favorite things

My new favorite actress is Julie Andrews, and my new favorite movie is The Sound of Music. I just finished watching it in its entirety, and I should be ashamed that I've never sat down to appreciate it. You're guaranteed to laugh and cry! And if you're a little off like I am, it will make you want to sew your own clothes, take singing lessons, and run atop hills.



Go ahead; take a hit of these:
So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehen, Adieu
My favorite things
Do re mi
Maria

One more thing--how I long for Captain Von Trapp to serenade me with his sexy voice.